1 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:07,439 And now, back to Captain Action Figure and his paramilitary pals. 2 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,741 Yay! 3 00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,276 Oh, Tommy, we're lost. 4 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:14,418 Oh, no! I'd better contact Captain Action Figure 5 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,427 with my special signal ring, made with action plastic 6 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,518 - for high impact fun. - Whoa! 7 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,424 I'm here, Timmy. 8 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:31,775 Lucky for you, you had your Captain Action Figure signal ring. 9 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,099 Gosh, Captain, how can I get one of these rings? 10 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,669 Your mommy will buy it for you, Tommy... 11 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,838 if she loves you. 12 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,384 - Mm-hmm. - Uh-huh. 13 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,941 Do you love me? 14 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,877 Honey, I love you so much I couldn't possibly express it 15 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,579 simply by buying you a signal ring. 16 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,714 Good save, Mom. 17 00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,616 I've learned a thing or two. 18 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,318 Daddy's home! And there's exciting news. 19 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,934 You'll never guess what coveted and prestigious promotion I got today. 20 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:01,793 - Toxic waste supervisor? - Wow! You're good. 21 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,808 Hey, what gave it away? It was the "coveted" part, wasn't it? 22 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,262 Yeah. 23 00:01:05,286 --> 00:01:08,266 Earl, that's great news. Do you get a raise? 24 00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,670 No, but I get this complementary smock and two free chest X-rays a year. 25 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,940 - Well, we're all very proud of you. - Yeah. 26 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:18,543 - You think Jeff and Moshe can come? - Charlene? Robbie? 27 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,791 Surely, you can muster a little enthusiasm 28 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:22,826 for your father's wonderful news. 29 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,582 No, no, Fran. They're teenagers. 30 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,785 We have to look at them a little differently. 31 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,520 They're dead to us. 32 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:32,391 But... this one. He's still young. And there's still hope. 33 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:36,295 And I believe now that I've ascended to a lofty position in the business world, 34 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,829 he'll have a newfound respect. 35 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,799 Shut up! And move! 36 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,201 Isn't that cute? 37 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:45,571 Of course, a promotion's a big concept for him. 38 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,906 And his little mind can't absorb it all. 39 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:51,877 Daddy got a new job. 40 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:55,114 Can't see the TV! 41 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,615 Forget it, Dad. His favorite show's on. 42 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,184 Not anymore. 43 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,220 Uh... 44 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,126 Wanna see Captain Action Figure! 45 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,894 What's the big deal with this Captain Action guy? 46 00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,162 He's my hero. 47 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,665 And just what does he have that I don't? 48 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,601 A TV show! 49 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,669 Turn it back on! 50 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,737 Well, I got this smock. 51 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,706 What do you think of that? 52 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,745 Yuck. 53 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:35,053 Boy, I got a lot of fond memories of this park. 54 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,967 This is right where I taught Charlene and Robbie how to swim. 55 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,225 Yeah. 56 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,693 Oh, well. 57 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,596 Yeah. So, I bet the youngsters 58 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,432 were pretty darn impressed with the new job and all. 59 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,402 Oh. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. 60 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,271 Of course, the baby didn't quite grasp the complexities 61 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,106 of a career leap of this magnitude. 62 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,842 That's why I made this neat hat. 63 00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,744 - There. - Hey! 64 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,182 Hey! A little ostentatious. 65 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,519 Hey, before you get their respect, you gotta get their attention. 66 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,187 - Yeah. - Whoop. 67 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,956 - Huh? - There. Besides, 68 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,792 this is better than anything Captain Action Figure has. 69 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,293 I don't know, pally-boy. 70 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,997 Seems to me the love and respect of your child is cheapened somehow 71 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:22,067 if it's based entirely upon a hat. 72 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:26,071 - Even a really great hat? - Yeah, I'm afraid so. 73 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,819 Your children should love you for who you are. 74 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,143 - Roy, you're right! - Yeah. 75 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,215 Uh... But who am I to say? 76 00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,598 I don't have any children. 77 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,788 - My hat! - Huh? 78 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,924 Yep. There he goes. 79 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,326 Hey! Pally-boy! 80 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:52,130 You know, for a big fella, you're kind of elegant in the water. 81 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,365 - I got it! I got the hat! - Hey. 82 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,868 - Got the hat. - Hey. 83 00:03:56,971 --> 00:04:00,005 Um, Earl, uh... Hey. 84 00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:04,042 - Earl, you're glowing. - Thanks. I'm pretty proud of myself. 85 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:07,178 No, that's... That's not what I meant. 86 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,147 Uh... 87 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,547 Honey, I'm home. 88 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,655 Aaah! 89 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,701 - Ohh! - Ow! 90 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,327 - Ow! - Ooh! 91 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,028 Ahh! 92 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,510 So, what do you think this could be? 93 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:15,247 Well, maybe you're allergic to something in the toxic waste. 94 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:19,418 - Oh! Hey, look, it's fading. - Oh. Kind of a shame. 95 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,864 It really brought out the color in your eyes. 96 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,221 Roy, I feel kind of funny. 97 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,256 - Let's get out of here. - Yeah, yeah. 98 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:27,625 Whoa! 99 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,794 Earl? Uh... 100 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,662 Hey, you're flying! 101 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:35,199 Oh, my gosh, you're right! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh! 102 00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:38,336 Hey. We've been friends 20 years, pally-boy. 103 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,872 You never told me you could fly. 104 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,675 This is the first time it's ever hap... 105 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,877 pened! 106 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,079 - Whoa! - I swear. 107 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,615 Don't make it worse with a lie. 108 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,316 Hey, let's stay focused, Roy. 109 00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,453 I was flying! 110 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,423 Holy... Did you ever see anything like that happen before? 111 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,191 Well, not in real life. 112 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:04,429 But, in comic books, spontaneous flight is fairly commonplace. 113 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,898 For superheroes, that is. 114 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,467 Hey, what if the toxic waste 115 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,782 somehow gave you a vast arsenal of superpowers? 116 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,473 Why, flying could be just the beginning! 117 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,843 - You mean there's more? - Let's find out. Tell me, 118 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,445 what do you see in my change purse? 119 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,015 I see a guy with a blurred definition of masculinity. 120 00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,385 - No... I mean inside the purse. - Oh. 121 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,399 I wanna check out if you have X-ray vision. 122 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,889 Oh, right! Um... 123 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,578 Jeez! 124 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,102 I said X-ray vision, not heat vision. 125 00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,736 Hey, I'm new at this. 126 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:48,540 Yeah, well, thanks a lot for burnin' my lunch money. 127 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:52,310 Well, to tell you the truth, Roy, you could stand to miss a few lunches. 128 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,246 What are you up to now, 24,716 pounds? 129 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,083 Well, with my clothes on, yeah. 130 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:02,120 Wow! What an astonishing array of powers! 131 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,942 Flying, heat vision, and guessing weight to within a pound! 132 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,903 - Yeah. - Do you know what this means? 133 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,395 I'm gonna win a lot of bar bets. 134 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:13,731 No! You're a superhero. 135 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,233 And that means you gotta use your superpowers 136 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:21,272 to fight evil wherever it might rear its diabolical head. 137 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,674 - You think? - Sure. 138 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,888 In nearly every classic comic book, 139 00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:29,247 the guy with the powers dons a cape and tights, 140 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,816 and, using a secret identity, 141 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,686 battles for truth, justice, 142 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,021 and the Pangaean way. 143 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,358 Oh, boy! Hey, wait till the baby gets a load of these powers. 144 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,495 He'll forget all about that Captain Action Figure guy. 145 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,297 Doesn't even have heat vision. 146 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:46,865 The big weenie. 147 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,767 No! You can never reveal your secret identity 148 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,114 to the baby or anyone else. 149 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,498 To do otherwise would be to place your loved ones in jeopardy. 150 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:59,911 No, they must never know the real identity of... 151 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,446 Hey. 152 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:04,849 You need a snappy new superhero name. 153 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,953 Whatever it is, it's got to be something to impress the baby. 154 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,688 How about Captain Impressive? 155 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,624 - Bingo! - Aha! 156 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,847 - Ha ha! - Rats! 157 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:50,361 Captain Impressive appeared from nowhere, saving thousands of lives. 158 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,607 - Wow! - Cool. 159 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,097 But the question remains. 160 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,134 Who is this caped marvel? This heat-vision hero? 161 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,902 This weight-guessing wonder? 162 00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,071 Who is Captain Impressive? 163 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:04,108 Well, he's a superhero, so he was probably born on a distant planet 164 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,711 to a race of highly intelligent creatures. 165 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,947 Well, I heard that he lives at the bottom of the sea in a domed kingdom 166 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,083 made entirely of diamonds, - 167 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,630 - and big pearls. - Really? Where'd you hear that? 168 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:18,757 - I have sources. - Hi, honey, I'm home. 169 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:22,093 Earl, you're over an hour late for dinner. Why didn't you call? 170 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:26,031 Well, excuse me! But it just so happens I was out saving the whole... 171 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,498 Hmm? 172 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,513 Uh... The whole 20 cents by not calling. 173 00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,715 It adds up, you know. 174 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:36,051 So, uh, you guys catch that Captain what's-his-name on TV? 175 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,576 - Oh, yeah. - Captain Impressive! 176 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,245 Yeah, he's all over the news. 177 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,614 Hey, Dad, did you see him? He caught a meteor in his bare hands. 178 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:47,652 Yeah. Pretty brave stuff. Quite the hero, I'd say. 179 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,655 - He's my favorite! - Really? 180 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,791 You like him more than TV's famous Captain Action Figure? 181 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,227 - Way more! - Oh. 182 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,696 I, uh... I bet you'd like to meet him. 183 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,932 - Uh-huh! - You know, 184 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,434 - you may already have met him. - Huh? 185 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,580 - What? - Hmm? 186 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,637 Hmm? 187 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,105 Um... 188 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,108 in the sense that we all have met him. 189 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,877 Um, watching TV, because, uh, 190 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,713 television is such an intimate medium. 191 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:18,116 Oh. 192 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,463 So, you stopped evil in its tracks, saved the planet... 193 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,954 Oh, thanks, by the way. 194 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,456 And the baby's got a new hero. 195 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,026 Yep! Hey, being a superhero is none too shabby. 196 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,660 I only wish I could take a shower. 197 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:32,196 Fran's beginning to complain that I smell a little ripe. 198 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,665 Oh, no, no. You must never bathe. 199 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,501 The sticky chemical coating that envelops your body 200 00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,248 is the key to your superpowers. 201 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,251 Should you ever shower, you risk losing them entirely. 202 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,642 - Well, I can't take that chance. - No. 203 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,744 The baby's finally beginning to look up to me. 204 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,024 And the world's depending on you. 205 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:51,127 In the eternal struggle against evil, 206 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,286 your powers are a sacred gift and a precious resource. 207 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,533 Would you toast this cheese sandwich for me? 208 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,390 - Oh, sure. - Yeah. 209 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,702 Well, well. 210 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,304 Sinclair! In here, now! 211 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,340 - Hey! Come on. - Ooh! Oh! Oh! 212 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,842 Uh... Uh... 213 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,778 Do you think he knows? 214 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,151 Well, well, Sinclair. 215 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,520 It looks like you've been holding out on me. 216 00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:33,457 Uh, what could you possibly be referring to, sir? 217 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,294 Oh, nothing. 218 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,830 So, care for a cigar, Captain Impressive? 219 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,898 - Whoa! Don't mind if I do. - Ah! 220 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,535 Oh, phoo! 221 00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:47,005 Well, I guess super intelligence isn't a part of the package, huh? 222 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,784 Please, don't tell anybody, sir. 223 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:52,310 Oh, no need to, Sinclair. It'll be our little secret, OK? 224 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,655 - Yeah. - Yeah. 225 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,981 That's quite an array of superpowers you have there. 226 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,049 They could be very useful to a sinister 227 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,319 multinational conglomerate such as this. 228 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,187 Uh... Sorry, sir, 229 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,868 but I'm duty-bound to fight the forces of evil. 230 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,492 As far as I can tell, you're evil, so... 231 00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:12,730 - I'll be on my way. - Not so fast, Captain Imbecile. 232 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,332 This is your tree pusher contract 233 00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,635 you signed when you came to work for us. 234 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,971 Do you know what it says? 235 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,273 I know what it weighs. 236 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:26,644 Page 23, paragraph seven, sub-section D. 237 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,548 "Should you at any time obtain supernatural powers of any sort, 238 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,684 all activity and proceeds arising from said powers, 239 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,420 shall be under the complete and exclusive control 240 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,557 - of the Wesayso... - Corporation." 241 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,026 You said I didn't have to read that. 242 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,661 Your days of upholding the law 243 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,130 and fighting for truth and justice are over! 244 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,565 You're a corporate guy now. 245 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,989 You want me to use my superpowers to help Wesayso? 246 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,712 You got no choice. We got you legally. 247 00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,227 But, I can still get to save lives and help those in trouble? 248 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,985 Oh, absolutely! 249 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,819 We encourage that sort of thing. 250 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:13,024 Just as soon as you've completed your official duties. 251 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,063 Stealing over 300,000, 252 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,466 making that the third bank robbery today, 253 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,735 and part of the recent crime spree that has plagued our fair city. 254 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:29,340 In a related story, the new Wesayso Mall of Pangaea opened this afternoon 255 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,809 with a festive ribbon-cutting ceremony. 256 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,612 Doing the honors was Captain Impressive. 257 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,447 Yay! 258 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,616 Captain Impressive, how do you justify 259 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:42,186 standing around at a mall opening while the city is ravaged by crime? 260 00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:46,191 Uh... because it would be a crime to miss these values. 261 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,791 Come on down! 262 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,761 Well, I guess everybody's got their price. 263 00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,142 Now, now, let's not jump to conclusions. 264 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,734 He may have superpowers, but he also has a wife and kids and bills to pay. 265 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,213 - Hmm? - Huh? 266 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,671 Um... I'm assuming. 267 00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:04,308 Besides, you know what they pay for stopping a meteor from hitting Earth? 268 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,444 Let me tell you. Zippo. 269 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,681 Oh, come on, Dad. He sold out. 270 00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:13,195 There's no law that says a superhero can't be a champion of commerce 271 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,819 and endorse worthwhile products that enhance the quality of life. 272 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,255 Yeah, right. 273 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,125 Yes, Captain Impressive fights a never-ending battle 274 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,272 for flavor, freshness, and big meaty taste. 275 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,931 Wesayso Beefsticks. They're chew-riffic! 276 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,699 He's a flying billboard. 277 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,868 He's my hero! 278 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,338 Yay, Captain Impressive! 279 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,485 Yeah, you see that? Kids need to have heroes. 280 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:39,743 Yes, Earl, but what kind of heroes? 281 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:42,981 Want beefsticks! They're chew-riffic! 282 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,850 See, he's... teaching kids about nutrition. 283 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,754 Those things are chock-full of nutritious... 284 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,757 - chemicals. - I don't know, Dad. 285 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,959 It seems like he used to stand for something, 286 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,962 but now he's at the beck and call of a big greedy corporation. 287 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,131 Why, that's nonsense, son. 288 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,567 Oh! 289 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,635 Excuse me. 290 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,814 Ha! 291 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,007 I saw your signal in the sky. You wanted to see me, sir? 292 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,443 Indeed I did, Captain Flunky! 293 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,179 Research indicates that while you are, uh, 294 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:18,316 somewhat admired by adults 18 to 49, 295 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:22,086 you're rated as god-like... 296 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,022 - by children two to eleven. - Yeah. 297 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,825 Children with significant purchasing power. 298 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,129 This superhero thing could be a real cash cow. 299 00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:35,633 And I intend to milk it with both hands. 300 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,435 What are you talking about, sir? 301 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,071 I'm talking about a brand-new TV show 302 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,539 that'll draw those adoring little tots 303 00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:44,742 like rats to cheese. 304 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:49,113 The Captain Impressive Action Fun Hour! 305 00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,382 - My own TV show? - Yeah. 306 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,997 Oh, wow! Hey, hey, I could set a good example to the kids. 307 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:58,756 Sing songs about right and wrong, teach them the four basic food groups... 308 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,692 Oh, don't be stupid! This ain't public television! 309 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,761 You're gonna sit there and sell those toys! 310 00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,763 Hmm? Oh. 311 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,867 Oh! Hey, neat! It's me! 312 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,869 Hi, I'm Captain Impressive! 313 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,439 And I want you to eat all of your fruits and... 314 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:18,509 Um, Mr. Richfield, I think this one's defective. 315 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,877 No, they're all like that. 316 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,379 - But is that safe for children? - Sure, it is! 317 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,249 A kid can have fun with the doll, and afterwards... 318 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,517 clean fish. 319 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,119 Oh. 320 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,065 Whoa! Now these are great! 321 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,723 Captain Impressive Pajamas. 322 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,359 Uh... Oh, wait a sec. 323 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:36,961 Are these flame retardant? 324 00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,862 Uh, they're flame resistant. 325 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:42,266 Uh... They're made out of newspaper. 326 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,535 They just don't resist very long. 327 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,205 - Mr. Richfield... - Mm-hmm. 328 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:51,408 I believe all the items you plan on selling to the children 329 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,010 are shoddy and dangerous. 330 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,246 Oh, no. You're exaggerating, Sinclair. 331 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,316 Everything's dangerous if it's not used properly. 332 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,751 The Captain Impressive Trachea Plug, sir? 333 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,521 That's clearly labeled, "Ages 12 and older." 334 00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,490 - But, sir, I... - Look. 335 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,293 We could argue philosophy all day long, 336 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,895 but I don't want to! 337 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,729 Now, you're under contract, 338 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,733 so get your impressive butt over to that TV studio. 339 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,069 The show starts in three minutes! 340 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:20,505 - Sir, I... - Move it! 341 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,407 Aaah! Up, up and away! 342 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,217 Well, he sure ain't Captain Punctual. 343 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,624 Hi. I'm Captain Impressive. 344 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,593 - Not to me. - Stand by. 345 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,363 And we're on in three... two... one. 346 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:50,468 Hi, kids! Hey, and welcome to the Captain Impressive Fun Hour, huh? 347 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,405 Let's get right to the fun, shall we, with this first item up for sale. 348 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,674 Oh, yeah. 349 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,587 And this is Captain Impressive. 350 00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,491 Hi there, kids. Don't forget to hold your parents' hands 351 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,313 - when you cross... - Right, OK. 352 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,161 Let's take a closer look at this Captain Impressive Figurine. 353 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,685 Shall we? You might expect to pay, 354 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:13,357 oh, $79 for a figurine of such fine craftsmanship and detail. 355 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:16,527 - Cheap. - - Heck, $60 would be a great price. 356 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,695 But you won't have to pay that here. 357 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,431 - No, no. - Nope. 358 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,966 You pay only $6.95! 359 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,369 Get in on the deal! 360 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,916 Hey, let's take a call, huh? Boom! Who's this? 361 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,518 - Billy. - Billy! 362 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,688 You wanted to pick up that Captain Impressive figurine, huh? 363 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,978 - Get in on the deal! - No, not really. 364 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,693 It's just that no one's ever home and I'm kind of lonely 365 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,361 and I want to talk to someone and... 366 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,752 Right. Thanks for calling. 367 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,222 Let's preview that next item up for sale. 368 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,891 It's the Captain Impressive Trachea Plug. 369 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,827 OK, let's take another call. 370 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,607 - Who's this? - The baby! 371 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,097 Hey, original name. 372 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,200 So, you wanted to pick up one of those beautiful figurines. 373 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,935 Get in on the deal! 374 00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,804 Want the trachea plug! 375 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,450 - Hmm. - Baby? 376 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,808 - Baby Sinclair? - Oh! How do you...? Ha! 377 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,010 Oh! Hi, Captain Impressive! 378 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,113 Can you autograph the plug for me? 379 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:12,616 Uh, Baby, why would you want to buy a dangerous thing like this? 380 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,651 'Cause it's got your name on it. 381 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,487 And you're my hero. 382 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,356 - Ah... - Uh, wait a second. 383 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,892 I wanted to be your hero, but not to sell you things. 384 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,895 - You got sneakers with a pump? - Sweetheart, what's going on? 385 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,763 Sell. 386 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:29,633 No! This is wrong! 387 00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,735 I don't wanna be a part of this anymore. 388 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,576 Not the mama. 389 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,477 - Earl?! - That's right. 390 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,624 And there's something I wanna tell you, Baby. 391 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,915 And all the other boys and girls out there. 392 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,853 Something valuable that you need to know about this whole monopolistic, 393 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,988 evil industry that... sells products to children. 394 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,597 Come on, kids. 395 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,068 Help me battle the forces of evil high prices. 396 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:08,272 Get in on the deal! Ha ha! 397 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,511 - All done, sweetheart? - Uh-huh. 398 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,081 Good job. 399 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,051 Hmm? 400 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,852 Oh. 401 00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,122 Well, I showered. 402 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,224 And...? How do you feel? 403 00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,961 I don't feel super. But I smell a lot better. 404 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,230 Maybe you should try doing something super. 405 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,599 Oh, OK. Um... 406 00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:40,604 18,043 pounds. 407 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,440 You're mortal again. 408 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,902 And I'm not speaking to you. 409 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,914 Yeesh. 410 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:54,217 Um... Hi there. 411 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,053 It's me... Daddy. 412 00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:00,991 Um... Oh! Um, I got something for you. 413 00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,661 Look. It's Captain Impressive. 414 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:05,829 Eh... 415 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:09,366 Um, I fixed him so he's safe to play with. 416 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,001 So, um... 417 00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:14,438 You can... play with him. 418 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,308 Don't like him. 419 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,109 How come? 420 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,645 Doesn't have superpowers anymore. 421 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:24,281 Not a superhero. 422 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,984 Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. 423 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:31,955 If you take off the cape and the mask and the funny costume... 424 00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:35,092 sometimes you find a real hero underneath. 425 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:39,230 - Looks like you. - That's the point. 426 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,765 You see, daddies are heroes too. 427 00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,667 And mommies. 428 00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:46,036 We may not have heat vision, 429 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,773 but we go to back-breaking, mind-numbing jobs 430 00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,775 so you can grow up comfortably 431 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,544 and have some nice things in your life. 432 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,479 It may not be flashy... 433 00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,347 but it's real. 434 00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,420 Do you understand? 435 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,355 I think so. 436 00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:10,161 Guess my weight! 437 00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:18,068 Jeez. Kids don't appreciate you and don't care what you do. 438 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,136 Hmm. 439 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:25,743 Hey. Woo hoo... 440 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,678 I'm Captain Daddy! 441 00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:31,882 Going to work a mind-numbing job! 442 00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:34,485 Honey, I'm home! 443 00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:38,289 Yay, Captain Daddy!